He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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