Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
