he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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