Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
