Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
