I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
