Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
