apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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