Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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