hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
