operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
