i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
