I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
