I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
as a side note pls kill me
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
