I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
