Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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