no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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