Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You took a bar mat shot.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
