I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
