I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
