I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
