I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
