it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
