My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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