Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
