i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
