I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
not ubering you a puppy
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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