So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
