Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
