if you like me you must not know who I am
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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