i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
