Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
