Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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