Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
