Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
