So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
