the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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