mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Buhtt sex?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
