He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
