I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
