made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
