..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
