she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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