I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
