So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
