Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
