I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
