I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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