she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
