I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
