Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
