so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
