Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
